I love my kids but.....

Do they have to get up at 6:30am EVERY SINGLE DAY!!!! EVEN ON THE WEEKENDS! COME ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I could be sleeping in today.

This is not right.

I do not condone or endorse this.

(My kid eating straight butter.)

An Early Morning Suprise

So what happens when your five-year-old plays with the temperature dial in your refrigerator and leaves it on the coldest setting?

At breakfast when I crack an egg, nothing comes out.

At lunch my salad is covered with ice and my cherry tomatoes are as hard as rocks.

At dinner... we eat out.

Sleep Walking Child

Around 11:30pm last night I heard the kid's bedroom door open and then some mumbling. I quickly realize it was my 5 year old son Austin and he's probably sleep walking.

So I get up off the couch to help him back to bed and for some reason he's heading towards the kitchen. Before I can stop him, he opens up the door under the kitchen sink, pulls down his pants, and pees on the side of the kitchen garbage can.

I don't know why, but I thought it was hilarious and started dying laughing. I said "What are you doing bud?" And he kind of woke up and realized what was going on and he started laughing too.

It's obvious that he had to go to the bathroom but he was too tired find it. What's really funny is that he had to pass the bathroom to get to the kitchen!

The Bizarre Behavior of 5 Year Olds.

Everyday at 1pm my two kids have a quiet time. Carter, my 1 and a half year old, goes to his crib and Austin, my 5 year old, goes to my bedroom. The rule is, they have to stay in bed for one hour. They don't have to sleep if they don't want to, but they do have to stay in bed for that one hour. Most of the time they fall asleep during this time, but not always. Sometimes Austin will start rummaging around our room and get into things he shouldn't.

So the other day after hearing some noise in my room, I went in to discover this. My son was wearing one of my hats, a pair of my wool socks pulled up to his knees, and my underwear!

After dying laughing,I quickly got him back in his own clothes. This is not a good look for him.

That's sick!

This was the response of my 5 year old son, Austin after watching "The Year Without A Santa Claus." We borrowed it from the library today. I asked him what the movie was about and he said it was about Santa taking the year off because people lost their Christmas spirit. I asked him what that meant and he said they stopped believing in Santa. Then with a shaking of his head he said, "That's sick."

To my son, not believing in Santa is sick. How cute is that?

File this under: That's why I tell you not to touch things.

Our family went to the store recently to purchase some new pots and pans. The ones we had were about 10 years old. Most of them are from when we first got married.

Now, if you have kids you know how chaotic it can be taking your children to the store. I find myself passing on the sage old advice that my father passed down to me when I was a child, "DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING!"

And I usually have to say it in different ways like:

"QUIT TOUCHING THAT!" or "IF YOU BREAK THAT WE ARE GOING TO HAVE TO BUY IT!"

If you are a parent, you also know that these three phrases are pitched tonally in such a way that they will not enter a child's ear canal, so the message never actually gets heard.

Now that being said, as my wife and I were carefully looking at the sets of pots and pans we heard our oldest child, Austin, start to cry like he's stuck in a bear trap. A cry that says, ouch and I'm afraid.

Ignoring my admonishments, he got his finger stuck in the handle of a frying pan! So I did what any caring compassionate father would do... I took pictures of it. Enjoy!

P.S. We did not have enough money to purchase this additional pan, so we now have it on layaway and we should be able to get our child back by Christmas of this year.

COSTUME SHOPPING

I don't know when I changed but I just don't get jazzed about Halloween any more. Now as a child, Halloween was hands-down the greatest Holiday only second to Christmas. My parents used to make us (my other brothers and sisters) put all of our candy in a big tupperware bowl. Then my mother would carefully disperse these goodies for what seemed like months. Yes, Halloween was good. Dressing up was also fun, but for some reason this just doesn't resonate with me anymore. Maybe it's because costumes are so expensive these days. I don't want to spend forty bucks to look like Captain Jack Sparrow for one night. And the kids costumes are not much cheaper themselves. At the same time though, I don't want my kids to look like I couldn't get them a good costume, i.e. dressing them up like hobo's or clowns (classic cheap costumes). So at this point, I'm not sure what my kids will be for Halloween this year... maybe Frankenstein?

Freaky Tiki

Today my four year old son freaked me and his mother out! One of the activities he enjoys doing on the computer is looking at family pictures we have stored on Picasa (a google software program that stores and edits photos). It's kind of funny how much of a kick he gets out of it. He especially likes looking at all of the goofy faces he's made over the years. He often laughs out loud at his lunacy. So needless to say, he knows how to scroll around and look at pictures on Picasa.

Well, my wife was on Picasa and looking for the pictures we had uploaded from last month. There were a couple of pictures she especially wanted to find and see how they turned out. She found one of them and noticed that it was a great picture except for the red eyes on our youngest son. So she started to go to the edit function to remove the red eyes when my four year son says...

SON- "No mom let me do it!" (in an almost bossy tone)

ME- "What are you talking about?"

SON- "Here give me the mouse."

WIFE "How would he know how to do that?" (my wife and I looking at each other eerily)

ME- "I have no idea. I didn't teach him."

He then proceeds to go directly to where the redeye remove function is. Selects it. Then uses the mouse to outline the eyes (not an easy task, mind you, for a small four year olds shaky hands). Clicks "apply" and it's done. (cue theme song from the Twilight zOne)

O.K. So here is what I'm thinking. Either (a) my son is an idiot savant (b) he's taking computer night classes at the local community college when the rest of the family is sleeping or (c) he's the next Steve Jobs or Bill Gates (Please Lord let it be choice C!)